All is good...for the moment

Ever have a feeling where all is good? You know deep down that "this is good and I can live like this!" I had that feeling just about a year and a half ago. I thought I found someone I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. However if you've read my posts then you know the outcome. That fire has ignited again! For the past month I've been as happy as I've ever been. Within days I felt mentally and physically comfortable...which is hard for me to do! I told her I was on meds and for once a person who didn't ask why! Was she just being polite...or did she not really care!? She told me that if I wanted to I'd tell her. So when the time was right I let her in on my suicide ordeal. I also told her that I've decided to move back to Boston. 

Ever look into someones eyes and know deep down they feel what you feel!? Your so close you can feel their breath and you swear time stops...you know that this person is special...that after all this time that they might be the one you've been patiently waiting for!? Well that's what it's like...and yet again I can't have it! I get to look her in the eyes knowing in two months time it'll all end! I've reconsidered my decision to relocate...however I made a promise I can not back down from...so yet again I've lost someone that's special...so yet again I'm alone! I've given in to the fact I will never come out on top...I can only be defeated...I can only accept it. 

I will embrace the day when that someone is not ripped away from me like a child from its womb...when I will not have that bottomless feeling in my gut. People may not understand because they will never meet that person and have those feelings. I'm hoping one day this ominous cloud that lingers over me will dissipate. Until that day it follows me wherever I go...to make my life miserable.