I must confess...I'm a people watcher! It's an addiction I know...haha. I stumbled upon this little coffee shop a few weeks back and I have my usual spot I sit in that faces the front door and counter...perfect spot for me to get my fix! Needless to say I see a lot of people walking in and out. All shapes...sizes...colors...well mostly white people haha...but have you ever been sitting somewhere or walking and see someone that either A. you would love to have a conversation with or B. wish they'd come up to you and say hi!? For me it's mostly women but there's a few guys that walk in and I'd like to know what's on their mind.
Most people that know me know the first thing I look at on a woman is her smile...I think you can tell a lot from it...just a simple smile or a laugh...which I think is sexy also! I think...personally...that an attractive woman can smile and it makes her no so attractive...same goes for a not so attractive woman I think a smile can make them more attractive. For instance one of girls here at the cafe...I wasn't attracted to her...she's bit of a plain jane...but when she smiled...it lite up her face...I thought she was beautiful...I could sit there for hours and just stair at her and listen to her talk. It's funny how things make or break people...you could be drop dead gorgeous and have an annoying voice or just have no personality...and again on the other hand people's personalities really make them!
On a side note...I don't know what it is with this country but people act like everyone has the plague. I've been to quite a few countries in the Caribbean and in Europe...I see it a lot where people will just sit and strike up a conversation with anyone. I backpacked through Germany for two weeks and took the train almost everyday...people would get on...sit next to anyone and start off with a nice "hi" or "how's your day." Here in the US people will leave seats open and stand rather than sit down next to someone. Just like now...I'm on the subway and this guy that has a baby strapped to his chest and wont sit next to me or any other open seat. I realize he has a baby and might not want to bother anyone but I just find it bizarre. And if you do sit next to someone or if start talking to them...they either get freaked out or they look at you like you asked them the square root of something!
I spoke too soon...this girl just sat next to me...however I have my headphones on haha. Now I'm sitting outside at Starbucks there's four tables and nobody's out here with me...I'm in downtown Boston by the way...this chick comes out and sits in the furthest seat from me...I promise I showered! About 10 minutes went by and this other chick comes up...with two tables between chick number one and I...and walks past me...I look up and smiled at her...she smiled back and sat at the table with me...then her two friends came out and were talking...they were German...go figure!
Back to my point...sometimes I walk in and see a woman either on her laptop or reading and I'd like to just go up to them and sit down and strike up a conversation. Maybe they're having a bad day and it might make them feel better...maybe they'll think I'm just a creep. None the less if I was sitting there nine times out of ten I'd enjoy someone coming up to me to have a chat or to say hi. Maybe you or I should try saying hello to someone...it just might make their day!
*Thanks Murrrr :)*
Ever wonder what people see in you...I was actually just wondering this. What do people see in me!? I feel that my mirror's cracked so it's hard for me to tell...I feel that I'm damaged and corrupted. I don't mean to sound negative...but after everything I've been through and the things I've done it's really hard for me to tell. I'm told I'm cute...nice and funny from people that don't know me...but would their perception of me change if they knew!? I don't know...maybe I'm looking into it too much. When I meet people I'm me...I don't put on a show or am fake...so when you meet me it's who I am.
I say I don't judge people in a joking way...but I really don't. We all have a past and that's one thing we cannot change. I know plenty of people who have done things you could only imagine and have had things done to them which is unimaginable. But that was then and this is now. I certainly would not hold anything against anyone...I have no right to. We all know I have my demons and I'm glad they're hibernating now...hopefully permanently! I'm very upfront with things once I get to know someone. Unfortunately I have put people through hell because of them and it's hard for them to understand.
I've always liked the saying "try walking a mile in their shoes" because it's true. I think I've had it rough but there's always someone who's had it worse than I have. You never know how it is unless you've been in that situation. I always thought I was the strongest person I knew...mentally. But once everything was taken away from me look what happened! As much as I try to explain to people why I can't get out of bed...talk...smile or do the simplest thing they'll never understand. I know it hurts them and I know they suffer because of me...because of my demons...but they'll never understand. I guess that's a good thing though...I wouldn't want them to.
We've all said plenty of times before that life isn't fair, which at certain times it's not. Wouldn't it be nice if life offered second chances...not really a do over because then I don't think people would learn their lessons in life...but a nice solid second chance! People are fortunate enough and are given second chances all the time...although I'm sure half of them don't deserve it...myself included. But where's God to give us our second chance...to point his finger in our faces and say "see what you have done and see what has unfolded...I'll give you a second chance at this." Oh that's right...this isn't a fairy tail!
I was given a second chance recently...which meant the world to me...but now that I have to move back to Boston and I know there's no way it's gonna work...I've been offered a job in Boston...finally after 3 years of searching and endless job applications I finally got one.......doesn't it figure...you've got to be kidding me...wtf am I supposed to do now!? I wish my life wasn't such a cluster fuck...I hate it sometimes. It would be so much easier if one or two events would take place...but that would be selfish now wouldn't it...it seems I sacrifice a lot and get next to nothing in return. There's certain things in life I wish I got a second crack at...fully knowing it's impossible. Would that have made things better though!? People most times fuck up again...specially in relationships where "oh I'll change" but two weeks later it's the same old shit.
I'm going to have to leave my comfort zone and everyone I know when I move back...that scares me a lot! I don't want to go...but I think it's time to...at least for my daughter...she's going into second grade and I don't wanna miss more than I already have!
I guess after thinking about it...this feels like a second chance...I've become closer to people...last time I moved to Boston I had so much debt and I was miserable...now I only have a car payment and I'm on my meds...it feels different. Still there are certain things I would like to change...people I'd like to have in my life on a daily basis. I do get to talk to them and remain close...hopefully it'll last...and hopefully life can slow down a bit!
Anyone else think that marriage is obsolete!? We've all heard the statistics "50 percent of marriages end in divorce!" That's actually not true. After doing a quick research...the numbers don't add up to that. It also depends on age...sex and what marriage they're on. To me marriage seems like an event that is required to fit in with society. I was in a 14 year relationship and once we were in college all we heard was "when you getting married" over and over. I swear a day didn't go by without someone asking! So I was married for almost seven years. Needless to say three months after we were married she was a different person. It was as if I married a complete stranger.
I never understood why people got married. Why must we get married if we're happy with how things are!? You could say it's a religious thing cause god sprinkled fairy dust and said so...yet he can't stop a pedophile from raping a little kid...however you can get married without the church but some religions won't recognize it or won't baptize your kid or give you jesus juice. On the other hand you can't get married without the state because they get to tax most couples. Politics and religion...the two most crooked pieces of shit going.
I've talked to a few people about this and the majority said that other than being in love...they're looking for commitment. I still beg to differ...if I'm in a relationship and I'm in love...aren't I committed!? But like a friend was saying...this is a never ending argument.
